"Mommy, will you please print a coloring page for me?" She hesitates as she makes her request. She knows. She can guess what my answer will be.
I sigh. "Not right now, Baby," I mumble, not looking up from whatever important task I am engaged in.
I glance up and see a look flash across her face. What is it? Resentment? Disappointment? Or maybe just a Why did I even bother to ask? look.
I don't want to be that mom anymore.
I don't want to be the mom who always says No or Wait or Not now or Later.
I don't want to be the mom who rationalizes that she is "here for them" just because she is physically present in the same room.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Pondering. And listening. Finally listening to the promptings. I've been bombarded by them as of late...various blogger friends who have voiced their decisions to slow down, to change their priorities; a Bible study at church encouraging us parents to remember what it's all about; words from One Thousand Gifts (Voskamp) reaching out, shaking me. Don't you hear? Haven't you figured it out yet?
It's not about you.
How do I want my children to remember me? That was our mom...she always loaded the dishwasher just right. She made sure there were no crumbs on the floor. She had a thousand Facebook friends. She really mastered the art of photography.
Or do I want them to know me as the mother who put my all into loving them, guiding them, teaching them. The mother who pointed them to the Father and who modeled a Godly life for them?
Don't I want to be remembered as the mother who knew it, who lived it?
It's not about me!