Dear Prospective Homebuyer,
My guess is that you do not have children. If you did, then you would better appreciate all of the hours it took to get this place clean just for your visit today! And if you had a better appreciation of that fact, perhaps you could have extended a little courtesy to us by staying a few minutes longer than the 8 you spent speeding through our home. A few more minutes would have at least given us the impression that you were lingering over a couple of rooms with comments like, "Can't you just imagine our furniture in here?" or "Wow! Our Tuscan painting would look fantastic on that wall."
You see, hope is a positive thing. And even false hope can sure lift the spirits of two people who would very much like to be done selling the house. Hope--even false hope--is a better feeling than a Well, there are two days of our lives we can't get back feeling.
So what exactly made you dash through our house at breakneck speed? Were you turned off by the homemade cookies I left for you? I notice you didn't take any? It could very well have been the cat's litterbox. I fastidiously removed all traces of the feline--including the cat herself--but, alas, those last minute things I'm supposed to grab on the way out the door...Did you not enjoy The Incredibles enough to just try out the comfy theater seating? Or perhaps, as with everyone else, it was the absence of a basement. In which case you shouldn't have bothered us in the first place because our listing notes "No basement".
Whatever it was, we can still expect a miracle because we know God could make this house appealing to you even if the roof was missing, a fact you very well could have missed in your haste (if that was the case, of course; there IS a roof over the house!). And on the plus side, now the house is clean, which is good because we're expecting 50+ guests here in a couple of weeks. See? There's another thing you're missing out on: our house is great for entertaining. We've had 80 people here before.
Well, if you choose to come back, perhaps WE will choose NOT to spy on you. And by not spying on you, you can walk away whenever you want leaving us with that false hope found in not knowing how long you lingered over our home.
Respectfully (mostly anyway),