Sunday, June 14, 2009

Posted Memo

Dear Prospective Homebuyer,

My guess is that you do not have children. If you did, then you would better appreciate all of the hours it took to get this place clean just for your visit today! And if you had a better appreciation of that fact, perhaps you could have extended a little courtesy to us by staying a few minutes longer than the 8 you spent speeding through our home. A few more minutes would have at least given us the impression that you were lingering over a couple of rooms with comments like, "Can't you just imagine our furniture in here?" or "Wow! Our Tuscan painting would look fantastic on that wall."

You see, hope is a positive thing. And even false hope can sure lift the spirits of two people who would very much like to be done selling the house. Hope--even false hope--is a better feeling than a Well, there are two days of our lives we can't get back feeling.

So what exactly made you dash through our house at breakneck speed? Were you turned off by the homemade cookies I left for you? I notice you didn't take any? It could very well have been the cat's litterbox. I fastidiously removed all traces of the feline--including the cat herself--but, alas, those last minute things I'm supposed to grab on the way out the door...Did you not enjoy The Incredibles enough to just try out the comfy theater seating? Or perhaps, as with everyone else, it was the absence of a basement. In which case you shouldn't have bothered us in the first place because our listing notes "No basement".

Whatever it was, we can still expect a miracle because we know God could make this house appealing to you even if the roof was missing, a fact you very well could have missed in your haste (if that was the case, of course; there IS a roof over the house!). And on the plus side, now the house is clean, which is good because we're expecting 50+ guests here in a couple of weeks. See? There's another thing you're missing out on: our house is great for entertaining. We've had 80 people here before.

Well, if you choose to come back, perhaps WE will choose NOT to spy on you. And by not spying on you, you can walk away whenever you want leaving us with that false hope found in not knowing how long you lingered over our home.

Respectfully (mostly anyway),


Annie H. said...

Our house is going up for sale next week, so I may be copying your creative memo for my own blog! I will have to look back in your entries to see where you all are moving and why! I too am believing in God's hand to help us sell our home. Blog Blessings!

Tisha S said...

A couple of thoughts came to mind when reading this;
- where are you guys planning to move (must have missed this along the way :-)
-50+ guests (is there an icon for screaming, pulling hair out :-)

Arby said...

The bigger question is, how long did you spend with a wet/dry vac cleaning up the indoor water slide? I told that story everywhere yesterday. Everyone laughed.

At you.

Because you weren't laughing.

So we couldn't laugh with you.

But it's a great story that had a LOT of parents groaning in sympathy, shaking their heads, and laughing with relief that it wasn't THEIR child doing that.

This probably isn't helping.


Kathleen said...


Maybe you’re on to something…maybe it was the giant wet spot in the middle of the boys’ room that made our prospective homebuyers run for the hills and not my lapse of memory which caused me to leave the cat box in the house.

Actually, you’ve made me feel better—not because everyone is laughing AT me, mind you—because now I can blame the boys and not me. Because I hate it when I’m to blame.

CrossView said...

Wow! You go through this every time you have a prospective buyer?
That has got to get old!

Kathleen said...

Crossview ~ When you only show the house 4 times in one year, it doesn't get THAT old!