Monday, January 4, 2010

A Letter to Al Gore

Dear Mr. Gore,

I went showerless this morning. Not because I pressed Snooze one too many times, but rather, because the distance across the tile floor from the clothes hamper to the shower was too cold to cross in my birthday suit; the shower had to wait until this afternoon when a half hour on the treadmill warmed me up enough to make that trek across the bathroom tolerable. It has been in the 20s and 30s here. This morning it was 17 degrees. Have I told you I live in Georgia? That's the state that touches the southeast corner of your home state in case you don't know.

What can I do to usher in some of that global warming about which you propagandize on a regular basis? I already own an SUV. Do I need to drive it more? Or faster? Faster means more gas consumption, right? Or maybe I should just let some of the air out of the tires? Please. I will do anything.

I will fly more.
I will use styrofoam plates and bowls and cups.
And then throw them to this frigid wind as litter.
I will cut down all the trees within a mile radius of my home.
I will purchase a cow and feed it Beef-a-Roni so it will be more flatulent.
Hey, I'll eat some Beef-a-Roni myself if that will help.

Please. I really need your help. If you have more information on how I personally can cause global warming, please send it to me. I need to take action before I am forced to move back to Africa. I may be forced to do that anyway; cows are cheaper there.

Freezing in Georgia,


Arby said...

Well stated!

Michelle said...

Too funny!! Sorry its so cold there. I'd love to have some and some snow, but no luck. Rain and 50s-dreary. At least snow is pretty till it gets dirty!

Anonymous said...

OMGoodness! Laughing out loud here because I am SOOOO in agreement with you! I let my kids skip swim today because the wind chill was 5. Yes, 5.

I'll buy a whole herd of cows and feed them Taco Bell bean burritos. Think that'll help?


Cynthia@RunningWithLetters said...

Kathleen, this is hilarious! I am freezing here in VA, too, but I am too much of an environmentalist to take action. I admire your proactive approach, though. LOL

Mominin said...

Loved this! I had to read it to my husband ... and we're both laughing!

@nnie said...

We are cold here in Ok too... it is supposed to be -15 with wind chill on thursday. Yikes! but Tom just got home from Fargo where it was -27! Can you imagine? I know this sounds crazy, but I had a fleeting thought about Al Gore and global warming today too.... no kidding!

CrossView said...

We've been mocking Al for awhile now. But you said it in a much better way. Funnier, less threatening. ;o)

I'd like to send a huge herd of cows "beefed-up" on Beef-A-Roni right to his door... =P

5thsister said...

Frozen toes hear in the arctic tundra of North Carolina!

Thanks for the laugh and "reality check".

Emily said...

Hit the nail on the head, Mrs. P. You step outside, it's a frozen wasteland of Arctic tundra. *shudder*

Global warming. Bah.

tsinclair said...

I agree totally. I cannot seem to get warm. I am wearing gloves as I type this. For those northern states...we are in the south, we are not acclimated to this kind of weather.
If you go back to Africa, take me with you. :-)

Bunch of Barrons said...

This made me laugh out funny. We are vacationing in Florida, and it's only in the 50's here. I was hoping for a tan, but unless I figure out how to lay out in my Snuggie I'm thinking that's a no go. :)

Amy @ Cheeky Cocoa Beans said...

AMEN! We'd better get some good snow tomorrow and make all this cold worth something... :) And hopefully you'll still have time to make the milk and bread run Thursday morning. It's required, you know--whether you actually need the items or not, it is your civic duty as a Georgian to buy milk and bread until the shelves are bare. ;)

anelson22 said...

okay that was soooo dang funny!