Sunday mornings are easy.
Lionel Richie even said so with his famous lyrics. Sunday mornings in my world can mean an
uplifting sermon at church, cheering on my son at the soccer field, or lounging
around in my pajamas with a Cuban coffee and avocado toast. Easy.
This one particular Sunday morn … September 23, 2018 for
timekeeping’s sake … started off just that way.
I had been out late the night before at a high school reunion. Still a little bleary eyed, I sat down at the
kitchen table with my family and we made gentle chatter, discussing plans to go
to soak up the last few rays of southern summer sunshine at the pool.
I rarely have my phone on the table during a meal, but for
some reason that time I was breaking my typical dining etiquette. It lit up just as I was about to take my
first bite of breakfast – Message Request
from Kathleen Pierce. Thinking I
would be replying to a question about essential oils, or maybe even a
reconnection with a classmate from the prior evening, I casually slid the phone
over and accepted the request.
There was a nervous excitement about her words. There was an apologetic tone for any
impending shock. The note quickly got to
the point : I think I may be your
sister.
Wait, what?? Avocado toast suddenly was not a
priority.
I kept reading, my eyes growing bigger and my breath
starting to quicken. She began to explain
by providing facts and details about her birth, and then adoption at 4 days of
age. She went on to share that she had
traced her paternal lineage through AncestryDNA.com, which had then led her to
a trail to her mother, thanks to another nonprofit organization. I read the name of her mother but for some
reason my brain would not make sense of it.
Hmmm, I
thought. That’s weird, that’s MY mother’s name!
But my mother doesn’t have any other children. #didnotcompute
Even when I read that Kathleen had been given her sister’s
name by the organization – NATALIE GREENFIELD, and my Facebook link, I was
still processing at the rate of a sleepy 2 year old. I gathered my phone and all of my breakfast
items, like a child hoarding her toys, and announced to my family that I needed
to go outside. They looked at my bizarre
behavior and asked repeatedly if I was alright.
Once I got outside and felt like I could breathe again, I
read and re-read the message. Okay. It did make sense. I knew my mother had been married before my
father. And I even knew her first
husband’s name, which was the name Kathleen had given as her father’s name. I knew nothing about a child, though. My mind was reeling. It was sinking in. Could this be true? Of course.
I touched the icon leading me to her FB page and profile pic. Oh wow!
Yep. If I had a sister, that’s
what she would look like! Ok, this was
getting real.
When I replied to Kathleen, I felt guilty that a whole hour
had elapsed since I had opened her message.
I knew she was probably anxiously anticipating a response. I didn’t know what to say, so I sent a short
note asking when she wanted to chat. Immediately,
the famous three dots appeared. She wrote,
“now if you are up for it.” Alrighty
then! Let’s do this!
I ran upstairs to the deepest, most hidden part of my room, closing
all doors behind me along the way, as if I now somehow had a huge secret to
shelter. I put 2 of my favorite
essential oils in my diffuser, and put my face over the bellowing vapors. I desperately wanted to channel a calm and
steady vibe. I could only imagine that
she had to be in pure freak out mode! So
I was determined to be the rational one (not my strong suit!). The phone rang.
“Hello.”
“Hi.”
You were expecting a more extravagant first greeting for
sisters who never knew of each other’s existence?
We chatted for an hour, trying to piece together timelines,
and wading through the surreal fog. As
if this situation wasn’t mind blowing enough, we discovered an incredible
criss-crossing of paths. We were both
born in California, 4 years apart. She
was raised primarily in West Africa, while I spent my childhood into my
adulthood in Georgia. After high school,
Kathleen came to Georgia to attend college.
We actually ended up living in the same city, ON THE SAME STREET,
missing one another by about a year.
#mindblown
I heard my sister’s voice catch when she asked about
her….our mother. “Where is she living
now?”
So – about that. “She
lives with me,” I replied. Calm and steady vibe, calm and steady vibe. I was overcome with the emotional realization
that Kathleen had not only figured out who her mother was, but was actually
talking to someone who was within the same walls. This was going to be trickiest part,
though. Neither of us was sure how we
should approach our mother with this. Although
I am her caretaker, my mother and I do not have the type of relationship where
I could just go in and ask her questions about something like……..oh, a secret
sister?? And besides that, Kathleen made
the great point that our mother should tell me, not the other way around.
(My best friend, Estrella, asked if I thought my mother
would be mad if she ever found out that I knew and didn’t tell her. My reply was ……. “Ummm, well……she knew, and
didn’t tell me!” #thedefenserests)
After a couple of weeks of texting, bonding and
brainstorming, my sister came up with the idea of writing our mother a
letter. She made me laugh when she sent
me a message saying that she was at the card store, but unfortunately she could
not seem to find an “I’m Your Daughter” card (c’mon Hallmark!! Get with the times!). We were both nervous when she mailed the aqua
colored envelope on a Friday, and even more jittery when it arrived that
Monday! I placed the precious cargo in
the spot where I leave my mother’s mail in the kitchen, took a picture of it,
and shot a text to Kathleen. When this spot is empty, she has it!
It took 2 more days for my mother to finally tell me a
little about what was unfolding. She did
it in the strangest way possible, but she did it! Now with that awkwardness aside, we could
plan a visit! Kathleen lives in
Connecticut, but she was anxious to get back down to Georgia to meet us!
Her trip was scheduled for the last week of October. Kathleen would come down for a few days, then
drive to Athens, where her adoptive parents still live. I marked the date October 30 with “Kathleen’s
visit” on the giant calendar in my kitchen.
But this was actually a ruse. My
sister and I both agreed that we wanted to meet one another first, without our
mother. So the confidential top secret
meeting was happening the night before on the 29th. I was so looking forward to this monumental occasion! Our mother busied herself with details of
where we would go out to eat, and obsessing over ordering a chocolate
cake. Apparently, chocolate cake is a
thing when you find your daughter after 45 years. Who knew?
Looking across the table at dinner, seeing a resemblance in
another person and understanding the feeling of having a sibling…….well, it was
priceless. There was a comfort level
between us as we chatted, and I had to resist the urge to tell people around us
that we were sisters. I even secretly
hoped that the waiter would ask us.
The next morning was the Main Event. I was more nervous as I prepped breakfast for
the 30th than I had been to go out to dinner on the 29th. I had no idea how our mother would react or
handle this very Oprah worthy moment.
But everything went well. I’ll
never forget the funniest comment. Our
mother was sitting at the head of the table, with each of her daughters on
either side. She looked back and forth
at us, stoically, then declared, “You do not look like each other. Because you <points at me> look like a
Spanish.” My father was Cuban, which
explains my features, but it was a comical and blunt statement, which has
always been true to my mother’s style.
However, I really think Kathleen and I do like alike! We both have a bit of a Joanna Gaines thing
going on, and I’ve decided that Joanna needs to play the role of one of us in
the made for TV movie of our story. 😊
The rest of her 2 day “reunion” was fairly lighthearted and
fun. I did not hover over them, as I
knew that time alone together was important.
If Kathleen learned anything, it’s that we like to eat around here! We went to quite a few restaurants, walked
around the mall at a seniorly pace with our mother, played with selfies on
SnapChat, and of course – had chocolate cake! Kathleen and I were able to sit and enjoy a glass
of wine together one evening while we continued to delve in and get to know one
another better.
Are we alike, or are we different? Yes and yes!
Just like one would expect, right?
However, examining the whole Nature vs Nurture theory was just
fascinating.
We are both articulate, intelligent women. We are both mothers – she beat me by 1, since
she has 4 children to my 3 (overachiever!).
We have a similar witty sense of humor, dry at times, clever and silly
at others. We both appreciate
organization & structure, and can tend to overanalyze things. We are both active, energetic, friendly ladies……who
have both oddly enough been called “intimidating” more than once in life. We apparently have the same taste in
clothing, and accidentally dressed alike one day! And we look alike, except that I “look like a
Spanish”. 😊
I am an avid wine enthusiast, reds by choice. Kathleen could take the vino or leave
it. I had to pause and decide if we are
really related when I learned that one!
I am an artistic, creative person.
She doesn’t consider herself to be, but I think she may be mistaken
there. She is well traveled, especially
due to her upbringing. I am a homebody,
probably due to mine. She is tall. I am pint sized. She says tomato. I say tomate.
An added perk to gaining a sister is that we also gained
brothers-in-law, and nieces & nephews!
Kathleen was able to meet and hangout a bit with 2 of my 3 kids (Giselle
and Kaden), and with my husband, Rick!
They were all enamored with her. Even
our boxer dog, Zoe, insisted on posing in a photo with Kathleen and our
mother. I absolutely cannot wait to be
able to come up to Connecticut and meet the Pierce crew! That will have to be in the spring, though,
since this southern girl does not do cold weather!
When she drove away, I found myself filled with
gratitude. I’ve been asked if I am angry
with our mother for keeping such a huge and important secret. I am not angry, just disappointed that I
missed out on growing up with a sister.
I always longed for a sister, and being raised as an only child was
lonesome. But the wine glass is half
full here! We have the rest of our years
to bond, and I know that we will develop an incredible sisterhood. We have already begun to weave this
relationship together.
I have also been plagued by the question of why God sent us
in a wild figure 8 towards connecting.
Why were we in such close proximity of one another if that was not to be
the time of discovery? Were we soaking
up each other’s energies? Was it God’s
original plan, but then He changed the timeline due to other factors? I know that there will likely never be
answers to these questions, but they are thought provoking, to say the least.
So maybe Sunday mornings are not always easy after all. Maybe
they are more for enlightening revelations!
I’m thinking we need to start an
annual tradition on the 4th Sunday morning in September – Sister Sunday,
maybe? I’m down for a new holiday! Whether it’s ever a holiday or not, September
23 will forever hold an incredible space in my heart.
-Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until
it becomes a memory. -Dr Suess
To be continued! 😊
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