Letter from the Toothfairy

Dear Boss,

First of all, I'd like to thank you for your suggestion to use my computer reminder system to keep up with my clients. Since the Tooth Catastrophe of 2008, I have done much better in being attentive to my clients. I have a little problem now, however, which I hope you can help me with. I have these 3 clients who--well, I don't like to play favorites, but they--are the cutest clients ever. It's their mom who is the problem. She's a little crazy.

When she filled out her application some 5 or 6 years ago, she checked the box instructing me to leave her kids' teeth with her. (Personally, I think this is gross, but I run into a lot of overly-sentimental moms like this.) She also filled in the line which gives me instructions on where to leave the teeth (in her underwear drawer, no less; honestly, I don't think you pay me enough to be stumbling around in the dark looking for underwear drawers!). However, she did not give me further instructions on how many of each child's teeth to leave, etc.

Now the woman is complaining, first of all, because her kids found the stash of teeth in her underwear drawer. Like I said, that is where she told me to leave them, so she has no one to blame but herself. She said she was able to fix that, though, by telling the children the truth: that I leave them with her so she can keep them for sentimental reasons.

But here's where it gets really bizarre. The crazy woman has filed a complaint against me because she says I did not label the teeth and now she knows neither which tooth belongs to whom, nor which tooth was each child's first tooth, which was really the only tooth she meant to keep in the first place.

Like I said, she did not give me further instructions on how to label the teeth, which ones to leave, or how many to leave. She just said to leave them in her underwear drawer. Honestly, it is incompetent, unreasonable moms like this that makes me wish I dealt directly with the children. This woman has another child who will become a client in the next year or so; as adorable as this child is, I am just not sure I can take her on since her crazy mama comes with her.

If there is anything you can do to help, I would greatly appreciate it.

Sincerely,
Toothfairy

Dear Toothfairy

The girl knows the true identity of the Toothfairy, but she still humors delights me with letters like these:

Dear Toothfairy,

How are you? If you don't mind with the stock market and all could I please have a quarter for my sister Audrey? She is not old enough to lose a tooth. I do not want her to feel left out. Safe flying and don't get a ticket.

Love,
Alexandra Nicole P_

P.S. I am sorry about all the blood.

Follow-Up Letter

Dear Toothfairy Boss,

Thank you so much for the opportunity to serve as your interim Toothfairy while you search for my replacement. Last night I completed Jacob Project II. While I nearly missed the deadline, I did complete the workorder just in time, and it turned out to be a successful project. Because of my success, I wonder if you might consider re-hiring me. I do so enjoy working with my clients!

I believe my previous work habits, which included great attention to detail, are returning, and I am more up for the job now. In fact, because of my attention to detail, I would like to point out a concern I have regarding all of my latest projects. Perhaps it is not my place to say, but I have some concern about our company finances as there have been so many back-to-back projects lately. In addition, just to give you a heads-up, there is a pending project for Michael. I estimate completion on this next Michael Project will be required some time this week.

I would be honored if you would allow me to take on the next Michael Project when it comes up for completion. I promise I will do a good job on it, and then perhaps we could consider my letter of resignation null and void.

Sincerely,

Interim Toothfairy

P.S. - In reviewing Jacob's workorder, I came across this photo. Don't I have the most adorable clients?

Letter of Resignation

Imagination, Inc.

Department of Human Resources

To Whomever This May Concern:

Since 2004, I have held the position of Toothfairy. Although I am honored to hold this position, I feel my resignation would be in the best interest of my clients. In the past, I found it easy to concentrate in full on the task at hand; however, lately, I have done a poor job of completing each project and completing it well. On the Michael Project my attention to detail was lacking, and my customer was forced to expend extra time and energy searching for his dividends only to find them hidden in the recesses of his pillow.

Although I did have a successful Jacob Project just last week, on my most recent job, the Alex Project, again my customer awoke to find no dividends. I suggested she search in the recesses of Jacob's pillow as perhaps I simply had my last project in mind while completing this one. She turned up nothing. Finally, I directed her to the guest quarters where she used to take up her residence. I suggested that perhaps in my rush to get the job completed, I simply forgot she had moved. Thankfully, she discovered her dividends there.

So, in conclusion, it is with much regret that I am submitting my resignation, but I'm sure you will have no trouble finding a replacement who will serve these wonderful customers with a dependable sharpness of mind. If, on the other hand, you find no capable replacement, please do call on me when projects arise as I have developed a special relationship with my customers. Thank you for the honor of serving for 3 1/2 years.

Respectfully,

Toothfairy

'Tato Heads

Decorator Tater night at AWANA. Their original ideas:

Alex: Ruth Tater (under the Bibliotater category)

Michael: a racecar potato

Jacob: an airplane potato

I asked Alex how she planned on making her Ruth Tater recognizable as Ruth. She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she said. "Maybe I'll draw some grains of wheat on a piece of paper." A cute idea to be sure, but I wanted to win. So I came up with Rahab. And she helped me. A little bit. Actually, she was the one who reminded me there was straw on Rahab's house where the spies hid. And she was quick to decorate Rahab Tater's home with a rug and pictures on the wall. (After I had already placed a small book replica of "Spies Like Us" on the floor.) Alex helped stamp a stone wall to adhere to the shoebox. Her Tater was complete with a window and red/scarlet ribbon hanging from it.

Michael was excited about his racecar until he saw his daddy helping Jacob with the airplane, complete with a working propeller. Of course he wanted an airplane too. I tried to explain to Michael that with two identical potatoes, chances were slim either would win and nil on them both winning. He couldn't be persuaded otherwise. So both boys took Airplane Taters and were proud to show everyone how to make the propeller fan spin by connecting the mini-fan to the 9V battery.

(The Princess also got a potato...to quiet her following me around the house asking, "Ere's my 'tato head?" Her 'tato head sported leftover fake eyelashes and a blue sash. No Tater Person in particular, but as far as she was concerned, her 'tato head would do! Since Daddy is in town this week, she didn't have a chance to show it off at church, but I don't think she cared one bit.)

And the winners? Two out of three. Alex took the Bibliotater category, and Jacob won with his airplane in the Silly Tater category. I groaned inside (and maybe even complained to a couple of friends) when I heard they all won but Michael. Michael is my sulker, and I was anticipating his sulky ride home and a sulky day tomorrow. But what great life lessons we could get out of it! Honestly, tonight I was too tired to give out any life lessons. You know what, though? He didn't sulk one bit! 'Course the fact that he is expecting a visit from the Toothfairy tonight might have lifted his spirits. Unfortunately, he thinks the Toothfairy might be giving him $15.00 so he can buy a new Lego set he's been eyeing. We may be in for some life lessons tomorrow after all when his disappointment in the tooth exchange brings on the sulking.

Toothfairy Troubles

The reason Michael woke up this morning to find his tooth had not been replaced by cold, hard cash is because it was so dark in his room that the Toothfairy could not find his tooth and therefore didn't take it and, moreover, as she was feeling around for a place to leave the cash, she ended up leaving it inside the pillow making it a difficult discovery for one, young 6-year-old and upon further investigation by his mother, the special inside-the-pillow hiding place was discovered and everyone was happy.

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

BB&T (Boys Bank & Trust)

Well, it happened. On Friday, my Baby Boy lost his first tooth. I have to face it--he's growing up. Jacob was indeed quite proud of the big gap in his mouth and eagerly anticipated the Tooth Fairy's visit. His big financial goal of the moment is to save enough to buy another Webkin, a goal which he was, on Friday, still $7 short of attaining. He was thus convinced that his loss of a tooth must be some sort of divine event and that the Tooth Fairy would leave enough for him to reach his lofty goal. I tried to explain to him before bed that most kids only get a quarter for a lost tooth, so he should not be disappointed in the morning if the Tooth Fairy did not leave $7.

Inevitably, the morning came. And as I greeted him, I asked him if the Tooth Fairy paid a visit. "Yes," he said, "but she only left me $2." I once again reminded him how lucky he was to have received $2 when most kids only get a quarter. But he was convinced that there still must be a lost dollar or two hiding somewhere in his bed or in the mess beneath his bed. When his search turned up nothing, he added his $2 to his bank and asked us to count it up to see how much more he needed to save.

This morning the boys are back to counting their money and getting some wheeling and dealing going. They actually have come up with a pretty good and generous plan: This Saturday, Jacob will give Michael his allowance so that Michael will then have enough to purchase another Webkin. Then Michael will give Jacob his allowance for the next two weeks so that Jacob will have enough within that time.

The Bible says money is the root of all evil. Not that Webkinz are evil. Or allowances. Or even counting money. Or wheeling and dealing. But this constant discourse over money: "Do I have enough yet, Mommy?" "Do we get allowance today?" (Since you just got it yesterday, what do you think the answer to that question is??)? At least they're saving for something, right?!