Friday, May 7, 2010

Letter from the Toothfairy

Dear Boss,

First of all, I'd like to thank you for your suggestion to use my computer reminder system to keep up with my clients. Since the Tooth Catastrophe of 2008, I have done much better in being attentive to my clients. I have a little problem now, however, which I hope you can help me with. I have these 3 clients who--well, I don't like to play favorites, but they--are the cutest clients ever. It's their mom who is the problem. She's a little crazy.

When she filled out her application some 5 or 6 years ago, she checked the box instructing me to leave her kids' teeth with her. (Personally, I think this is gross, but I run into a lot of overly-sentimental moms like this.) She also filled in the line which gives me instructions on where to leave the teeth (in her underwear drawer, no less; honestly, I don't think you pay me enough to be stumbling around in the dark looking for underwear drawers!). However, she did not give me further instructions on how many of each child's teeth to leave, etc.

Now the woman is complaining, first of all, because her kids found the stash of teeth in her underwear drawer. Like I said, that is where she told me to leave them, so she has no one to blame but herself. She said she was able to fix that, though, by telling the children the truth: that I leave them with her so she can keep them for sentimental reasons.

But here's where it gets really bizarre. The crazy woman has filed a complaint against me because she says I did not label the teeth and now she knows neither which tooth belongs to whom, nor which tooth was each child's first tooth, which was really the only tooth she meant to keep in the first place.

Like I said, she did not give me further instructions on how to label the teeth, which ones to leave, or how many to leave. She just said to leave them in her underwear drawer. Honestly, it is incompetent, unreasonable moms like this that makes me wish I dealt directly with the children. This woman has another child who will become a client in the next year or so; as adorable as this child is, I am just not sure I can take her on since her crazy mama comes with her.

If there is anything you can do to help, I would greatly appreciate it.



AGS said...

My sympathies to this poor, under-appreciated Toothfairy.
Us moms can be crazy.
I must admit, this is one area in which I did not do so bad. I actually labeled who and when, and get this...which tooth. :-)
Then after the first few, it just became weird. Now they show me the tooth and just toss it.

Cynthia@RunningWithLetters said...

Things just might get worse for the Toothfairy when he/she gets word of the pending complaint from this crazy mom who, after reading this, deeply regrets not saving ANY teeth and now it is too late. Having been if the biz for so long, shouldn't this so-called professional have been aware of the likelihood of such an eventuality? Shouldn't a warning have been issued?

Bunch of Barrons said...

haha...too funny. I wrote a post once about a note my younger sister had left for my mom *who my sister knows is the "tooth fairy"* complaining about how she owed her money for several teeth. Tooth fairies these days...;)

CrossView said...

Poor Toothfairy! I wonder if she could gather a group together and form a union??!!

Amy @ Cheeky Cocoa Beans said...

Oh, what the poor Tooth Fairy has to endure...She has also been threatened by a lawsuit from one of my children, who claimed he would sue her for $1 billion if she didn't leave $100 for his tooth. However, the TF was clever enough to note that she would be sued only if she took the tooth and didn't leave $ she left her usual $1 and left the tooth, too.

Happy Mother's Day, my friend! :)

Teacher Mommy said...

LOL!!! I giggled at this one.

And I have NO idea how I plan on handling things once it starts happening with my kidlets...

@nnie said...

Love this from the TF point of view! TFairies are people too! :-) Happy Mother's day!

Tatiana said...

You had me smiling through the whole thing! Thanks - I so needed that!

Linda said...

Yes, the teeth are in the underwear drawer; where else? Most nights, TF quickly doodled initials, and on a good night, the date on the envelope in which the tooth was left by child. There is your ah-ha! moment.
one night, the dog scared away the tooth fairy. Lucky mommy got out of that one.

4 Lettre Words said...

Too funny! Love it.

Khakismum said...

I feel for your tooth fairy. I too instructed my TF to leave the pearly whites in my undies drawer, but then I only have one little urchin (well not so little any more) to deal with so I at least know who's teeth they are! This is something that must run in families, my mom had to TF leave MY teeth too...but in my dad's jewelry box...weird. One thing I did think to do...every lost tooth, I took a picture just before bed of the newly snaggled smile with the missing tooth held up to the mouth, just before placing it out for the TF. I love those pictures. :-)